I came to Nigeria expecting to have difficulty developing friendships. Normally I am a very social person who doesn’t have problems making friends. But I was worried that I had lost my touch after being holed up working on my thesis for so long. And to be honest, I really didn’t think I knew myself anymore. I had forgotten my personality (who I am, what I like, what I dislike) and I really had also lost the desire to put in the effort required to make a new friend. So when I got here, I was pleasantly surprised to find a wonderful community waiting for me. I was surprised because when I imagined what it was going to be like in Nigeria, I never considered the idea that I would have a community of Western believers here for support. But even with that support, I did struggle when I first got here. I was quiet and really not myself (which made sense because I couldn’t really remember who I was). I’m sure this was also exacerbated by coming into a completely different culture with a different language, different customs and ways of communicating/travelling/anything really. I had so much to learn that I had the feeling I was on a new job about 24 hours a day (and I hate being the person that knows the least). But the mission community here just welcomed me and I felt at home quite quickly. It probably helps that there is a good little dutch CRC community here, so I was able to meet people who know people that I know (yay for dutch bingo!). It also helps that I have awesome roommates who have become more like sisters than roommates. So that part of the community has been a wonderful blessing.

However, becoming part of the Nigerian community has been very difficult. I think the crisis and then the impending city-wide curfew has played a big part in that. During the crisis, we were locked up in our compounds, behind our big walls and out of danger, while the rest of the city was exposed. Then the curfew was put in place, which didn’t leave much time for socializing after work because you had to be home before 6pm. However, this may be a weak excuse for not developing close Nigerian friends because the curfew was lifted to 9pm about a month ago and nothing much has changed. I think this is due to the divide between the mission community and the Nigerian community. Although we are living in the same country, and living much differently than we would in the Western world, we still live really well compared to the majority of Nigerian people. Our houses are stronger, better protected, and we can put food on our table with ease. I am not saying this is a bad thing and we should live in poverty because I understand that we have been blessed and just grew up in a different culture. But the fact remains that we are wealthy, and this divides us. I also think that time is required to develop friendships, and even more time is required when that friendship is between two people of very different cultural backgrounds. And since I am here for such a short time (a very short time compared to the lifers), it is difficult to get to know the culture well enough to understand where the person is coming from and then being able to bond with them. This is why long-term mission work is necessary – it allows time to develop connections and then from there you can begin to change and influence to people and from there, the country. But with that being said, I have made some Nigerian friends at the hospital and the school. I am not as close to them as I would like to be, and I wish I had been more intentional about inviting them over to visit. But I will miss them when I leave this place and I hope to continue communication with them so that if/when I return, I have a community to return to.

One place that I have experienced community though, regardless of whether it is in the presence of Westerners, Nigerians or both, is in the church. I have been to at least six or seven different churches while I have been here and each time, I felt connected to the people there. It is amazing the connection you feel when you are in a room with followers of Jesus Christ. You can be from any kind of background, or race, not even speak the same language and still feel a part of the body of believers. And that is an amazing feeling.